Douglas Carswell's Blog

Vested interest cash demand - shock

A vested interest today surprised commentators by demanding more public cash.  The vested interest appeared on the radio – probably the Today programme – and warned of impending disaster if it does not get it.

“It’s only fair that we get the money” said a spokesperson for the vested interest.  “Even if it is money that belongs to everyone else.  Without it the world would probably end.  Besides, our claim on other folk’s cash makes us morally superior”.

The vested interest went on to explain how the money would go to support a programme of awareness raising, so that everyone could hear about the moral superiority of the vested interest.

The vested interest also published a report showing that for every £1 of public money spent on them now would end up saving the taxpayer £57,965,231.28 over the following three years.   "Actually our vested interest is a world class earner for UK plc on the global stage."

“Social justice demands that government intervenes to ensure vested interests get more funding.  Without government intervention, people would only pay for the things that they want, or feel to be worthwhile supporting with their own money.  Or even may be profit-making organisations who don't have to coerce to raise revenue.”

“That would lead to massive income inequalities since vested interests like ours would have nothing” explained the spokesperson to an unquestioning BBC interviewer.

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